No Regrets
by Black Fire1
Summary: Second half of my story "Regrets". Severus Snape thinks about/remembers Remus Lupin.


No Regrets. This is the second half of my story "Regrets." Severus' POV this time  
  
  
  
So you're back. You have returned. I didn't want you here. Still don't. Why did it have to be you of all people? Everything happens for a reason, Dumbledore said. So what's the reason for you to return here? To humiliate me? To haunt me day and night? To make my life even more unpleasant? To take away my last bit of sanity? Just do what you're best at-make yourself popular and destroy what's left of my life. Oh, I wish I could have managed to convince Dumbledore that you're not wanted here, that you're a danger to everybody.  
  
He wouldn't listen to me.  
  
Does that sound familiar to you? Told me not to be paranoid and to forget what happened. Give you a second chance. A second chance. Yes. That's why I'm here. I should be grateful to have the chance to work with you and to help you. Dumbledore must be very disappointed in me because I don't believe in second chances. But then again, I have always been a disappointment to everybody... "An opportunity to lay old grudges to rest" he said. Nothing he says can make me forget what happened then. It wasn't him who almost died because of you and your friends. Do you really expect me to "forgive and forget" something like that, werewolf? Maybe this time you'll finish what you could have done then. Kill me. Oh, I forgot: you're not dangerous. You're the friendly, cuddly werewolf. What if you attacked me when I bring you that potion Dumbledore made me promise to make for you? If you killed me, everybody would see that this school isn't the right place for a werewolf. They would finally believe my words. Maybe then there would be justice. And peace. I'd have peace at last. On the other hand-killing me wouldn't be any good-everybody would be glad to be rid of me. A problem solved. A nasty teacher gone. No-one crying at my funeral. Who needs friends, anyway? They only make you sentimental and weak. Look at yourself-where are your dear friends now? Think you know what I must have felt like during all those years? Feel sorry for me? Poor, lonely Severus....if only I'd tried to be his friend when we were young...Ha! Sentimental fool. I'm better off on my own. Always have been. Like to be alone. Must have been so hard for you to lose those precious friends of yours. What a nasty shock. And you haven't stopped staring at me since you arrived. Don't think I don't notice how you try to catch my eye. Why can't you just disappear and leave me alone. I don't need those memories. Don't want to remember what it was like then...  
  
You're doing it again.  
  
Staring at me over the table. What do you think about me, I wonder. You have probably heard some things and concluded others-would be like you to know everything. Is that why you're looking at me all the time?  
  
One monster looking at another? Do I scare you?  
  
I know that there's little that escapes you. Always been clever. But never had the courage to use your gifts. Maybe the story of my life has become public knowledge by now. Yes, I did all those things. You satisfied now? I'm evil. Pure evil. Always have been. You should have destroyed me then. But you and your friends didn't have the courage to carry out your little plan. Wish you'd done it, now?  
  
I`m still alive. Survived. Surviving. I paid for my mistakes. Still do. Every single day. And every bloody night. Do you think I've changed? Do I look tired? Guilty? You look pretty much the same. I would have known you everywhere. So, what's this place like when you're on your own? But I forgot that some things never change, didn't I, even though your dear friends aren't here with you now...you're still the privileged one here, the popular one, just like young Mister Potter. You've met, haven't you, and now, you've got a bunch of admirers, just like it used to be. How much have you told him? Or would you prefer me to tell him? He looks a lot like James, I'm sure you've noticed. And he has the same arrogant streak in him, but I don't think you would notice something like that. Or have you changed after all? I don't think so. I see the way you talk to the other teachers here and the students. Everybody likes you, don't they? You've always been everybody's darling. The oh so charming and fascinating Remus Lupin. Trying to make them forget what you really are? I won't forget, how could I? And I'll do my best to constantly remind everybody of what you are and what you can do.  
  
Werewolf.  
  
Isn't it funny how little has changed? You're alone now, but you have everybody on your side already. Some things never change. I'll be watching you, werewolf. One tiny mistake, and I'll make sure everybody knows what you are and what you are capable of. I'll make you pay. I swear you won't get away this time. 


End file.
